Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Things I Learned from Christian Comics: Hansi: The Girl Who Loved the Swatika

Today we're on our second in our series on the spiritual and educational value of Christian comics. Today we feature a special Based-on-a-True-Story WW2 historical drama of the life of Maria Anne Hirschman, a woman who, while growing up in the Germany of the 1930s and 40s, found herself swept up in nationalistic fervor and joining the Nazi party. She became disillusioned with Nazism when Germany fell and she was taken prisoner by Soviet forces, eventually escaping to seek refuge with the occupying American forces. After the war she became a schoolteacher, married her longtime love, renounced the antisemitism of her past and rededicated her life to Christ by helping troubled youth.

I found her life's story to be both inspiring and uplifting, making me earnestly hope that she had died of old age before seeing her tumultuous past bastardized into a cheesy, insensitive, poorly-written propaganda comic by Al Hartley.

What? You don't believe me? You think I'm exaggerating? Look.

And without further ado, things I learned while reading this comic:

  • Blondes really are dumb.

  • Hansi once dated Der Nazi Spider-Mann.
Is he pure? Listen bub,
He's got Aryan Nation blood.
Can he fight for the Father-land?
Look at him invade Po-land.
Hey there! There goes Nazi Spider-Mann!

  • Ladies, if you're gonna turn down an annoying guy who wants to go out for coffee with you, without hurting his feelings, this is the way to do it .

  • It was a very sad and terrible day in world history when the Holocaust ended.

  • Being skinny and unattractive like Hansi will make you rape-proof. And we know Hansi is to skinny to be raped because a skinnier and less attractive girl that got raped told Hansi that she was too skinny and unattractive to be raped.

  • Americans love their chewing gum. You do NOT want to get in between an American and his chewing gum. If you do, they will SHOOT you with their pocket-sized submachine-guns.

  • Americans never rape anybody, only Russians rape. Americans just like to watch you sleep which, although not as bad, is still rather creepy.

  • Material things can obscure God's blessings, especially when they are floating around your head.

  • Blind fanatical nationalism is O.K, just as long as the words "under God" are used, because it’s not like the Nazis ever used the phrase “God is with us” at all, like let’s say, on their belt buckles or anything.


Anonymous said...

If you look somewhat closely to a frame in the "Skinny Hansi" scan, you will notice a pair of feet levitating above the chaos in the room.


The Cynic Sage said...

I think those legs are supposed to belong to the girl in the bunk above her.

Anonymous said...

It's unfair to criticise the production quality.
Even Jack Chick(C)Tm.Comics have their points of genius.
Parody is not like re-posting with criticism.
Xtian propaganda varies according to resource,naevete,etc.
Does that mean,you would approve the message if it had perfect technique?
My Mail:[Randi_0088(at)SwissInfo.Org]
PS:I don't use Gurgle(sic)linked stuff,because I think they "roll over"for "Big Bill-Brother".

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Elliott Broidy said...

That is quite the comic.