Thursday, July 5, 2007

Super Happy Fun Abortion Time!

I have been meaning to write something on this earlier, so it's probably old news now. But here it is anyway:

May 17, 2007
Dear Friends of Paul Hill,
After much discussion and prayer, Drew Heiss and I are announcing an event to honor Paul Hill on the 13th anniversary of his actions in defense of preborn babies in Pensacola. Memorial events will be held in Milwaukee, Wisconsin to honor him as God’s man and our hero.

Paul Hill Days
July 26th – 29th of 2007
Why Milwaukee? Why not? There are people here who recognize Paul Hill as a hero, and we would love to welcome others from around the country who share our belief. Hopefully, in the future, others will host events in their cities.
Planned events include:
  • Activities at our two remaining killing centers
  • Literature distribution
  • Ministry at the Federal Courthouse
  • Reenactment of 7-29-1994
  • Paul Hill March
  • Ministry at other public forums
If you are interested in participating, please email me at
or call me at
(920) 918-4550
Please let us know if you would like host housing or motel reservations.
Currently, this event is being sponsored by Children Need Heroes, StreetPreach, and Paul Hill Memorial. If you would like your organization to be a co-sponsor of this event, please let us know.
Please feel free to forward this e-mail on to others who might share our admiration for Paul Hill and his act of love and mercy.
We hope to see you in Milwaukee in July!
For Jesus and His Precious Little Ones,
George L. Wilson
Paul Hill Days
July 26th – 29th of 2007
Milwaukee, WI
“…what indignation, what alarm,
what longing, what concern,
what readiness to see justice done.”
From II Corinthians 7:11
On July 29th, 1994, Paul Hill boldly defended 31 babies from unspeakable violence by killing a paid assassin and his bodyguard. He was arrested, given a sham trial, and executed as a martyr. On the 13th anniversary of Paul Hill’s act of love and mercy, memorial events will be held in Milwaukee, Wisconsin to honor him as God’s man and our hero.

Now, this is somewhat old news, but all I gotta say is it's about time. Our godless, pagan society will occasionally lift up people onto their shoulders as heroes. We hear about little-guys takin' on The Man, scientists curing diseases, and firemen saving lives, but guys like Paul Hill are sadly overlooked. After all, it takes a certain kind of free-spirited nonconformity for someone a guy like him to break free from the "pro-life" cookie-cutter mold and go out killing people. Just look at his face. Doesn't that smile say to you "I did what I knew was right"? (Well, to me it actually says "I am descended from generations upon generations of incestuous households, and I myself was conceived in anal-intercourse" but that's not important, what matters it what it says to you).

Just look at what Paul Hill achieved for the pro-life movement: He eliminated the life of a man who performed abortions (leaving a void easily filled by another abortionist) thereby giving those who oppose abortion as a means of birth control a bad reputation and hurting their efforts. Not to mention that said doctor, even though killing the unborn, thought of by himself and others as helping women, so his murder by an anti-abortionist would push middle-of-the-roaders to the pro-abortion side. Quite the hero indeed, and in honor of such a hero, I bring you a double feature of Things I Learned From Christian Comics.

First off: Who Killed Junior. A Pro-Life tract put out by Right to Life in the early days of Roe vs. Wade:

  • Amniotic fluid is a myth...

  • ... and the umbilical cord is a dotted line. You see, this is the kind of detailed information about the human reproductive system that you can only get with abstinence-only sex-education.

  • At three months, the fetus can comprehend English enough for it to react to hearing its mother discussing abortion with her doctor. If you happen to be a fetus in this kind of situation, it is recommended that you attempt to fake your death. Perhaps planting a fake diary to shake them off your trail and guilt-trip the bitch.

  • Abortion is a serious and controversial issue, and we must be very careful not to LOL T3H F3TUS IS GETTIN SUX0RRED UOP BY TEH VACUUM ROFL LMAO!!!!!101010... XD Great, now thanks to this pamphlet I can't look at a photo of an aborted fetus without giggling. >:(

  • Professional, licensed abortionists perform abortions with switchblades. They gonna abort you so bad, you gonna wish they no abort you so bad.

  • An abortion is not like a tonsil operation, as tonsil operations don't involve miniature cocktail swords.

  • If you want to try to convince a pregnant teenager to keep her baby, be sure to tell her that women that lived in the agrarian collectivist family-oriented society of the ancient near-east (where having as many children as possible ensured not only survival, but also an increase in status for the woman and her household) viewed lack of children as a curse, and therefore so should she, as an underprivileged eighth-grade girl growing up on welfare in the inner-city.

The next comic isn't exactly a Christian one, as I thought it wouldn't really be fair to present only one side of the coin, so for our second installment we have Abortion Eve, a wonderful piece by Chin Lyvely and Joyce Sutton that proudly declares that Choice is a right that belongs to all women... well as mummified gorillas, Jewish cross-dressers with jaundice, and melting wax dummies. Let's get started, shall we:

  • Anti-Choice propaganda improperly portrays women that seek abortions as scared and confused single young women that may either be victims of sexual abuse or the circumstance of a broken condom. In real life quite a few of them are lazy selfish sluts too strung-out on drugs to remember to take their birth-control pills.

  • Transsexuals can get pregnant.

  • A good way to answer questions of the morality of abortion is to be vague as possible ("maybe it's wrong to kill, I don't know"), bring up that Catholic priests don't raise kids, and to ask the other person if they have ever lived in a barrio. This is the key to engaging in calm, rational discourse surrounding controversial subjects like abortion.
  • Catholic women that grew up in the Barrio will occasionally string together stale Pringles in order to create a makeshift rosary.

  • The possibility that the fetus growing inside a her will eventually become a person that will have a very positive impact on the world around him should not be used to pressure a victim of an unplanned pregnancy to keep her baby. However, the possibility that the unplanned pregnancy will result in a child that will become "bad" is a very effective argument for abortion.
  • If you yourself are the victim of an unplanned pregnancy, keep in mind that if you keep the child, there is a strong risk that it will drink bleach to try to get you to love it. Then you will have the BLOOD of an INNOCENT CHILD on your HANDS! All because you decided not to have an abortion.

  • A pelvic exam is when the doctor examines your "inside" female parts with his hands and a medical instrument. A cross between a walnut-cracker and a grip-excerciser which I have affectionately dubbed: "the vagina-duck".

  • Dude. Having an abortion is, like, a totally groovy trip, man. Really far-out. Y'know what I'm sayin'?

  • I think my dentist actually uses something like this to clean my teeth.

  • It's normal for people who have actually witnessed abortions taking place to smile when recalling them.

  • The Church opposes abortion because they don't take into account that women are people too. It has absolutely nothing to do with holding an ethic that values human life even in it's earliest stages since the days of the early church, when Christians would care for disfigured children abandoned by pagan Greeks and Romans.

  • There is nothing more empowering for a woman than to stick out her thumb on the side of the road and turn down people that offer her a lift. It's right up there with "getting a part-time job for extra spending money".

  • Waiting is the worst part of abortion, as opposed to making your way past the violent protesters, the rift between you and your pro-life friends and family when they find out, and the guilt and confusion brought on by the mixed messages women often receive from society. Yup, waiting is hell.

  • An abortion for a woman is just like a tonsillectomy for a kid. You get to keep what the doctor removed in a jar that you can show all your friends. Not to mention that after the operation you can insert into your uterus all the ice-cream you want.
  • Interfere with a woman's right to choose and they can get mad enough to punch through their own speech bubble.
  • Groups that often interfere with a woman's right to an abortion often include judges, lawyers, clergy, and a council of Wizards.

  • Theological issues surrounding abortion are often quite simple, and are remarkably easy to resolve.


GailVortex said...

Oooooo, lookee. Steve Taylor videos on youtube.

Although now married to a Unitarian and decidedly agnostic/completely confused religiously, I wish I still had my Steve Taylor vinyl. And I'll proudly admit to having been just a few rows away when he jumped into the crowd at Cornerstone. And broke his ankle.

[Wouldn't be caught dead at Cornerstone now, mind you.]

The Cynic Sage said...

Yeah. All his good songs are on youtube. :) But I can never find any of the ones I want on Puretracks or Napster tho. :(

I'm actually very surprised I'm not getting flamed for this entry.