Tuesday, October 30, 2007

"Now I Ain't Saying ADF Lawyers Are a Huge Disgrace/ but They're Worse Than the Ones Who Ambulance-Chase/"

Hat's off to Jesus' General for bringing this to my attention: The James Dobson-founded Alliance Defense Fund fights in court to defend a boy's right to have his mother dress him funny:

Pennsylvania School Says Devils and Witches Are OK, But Jesus Has to Go...

Sometimes a story occurs that illustrates how much of a toll the attacks by the ACLU and its allies have taken on Our First Liberty – religious freedom.

Yes, that's what the ACLU does, fight to take away people's freedoms.

The Abington School District (in Philadelphia) -- ironically the same school district that was a party in the 1963 Supreme Court decision, Abington Township v. Schempp which invalidated any school-sponsored devotional study of the Bible in public schools – didn't stop having a district-wide celebration of Halloween

Yeah, what is up with that? After all, All Hallow's Eve (the eve of All Saint's Day) has been a recognized a Christian holiday since Pope Gregory IV (although it has been recognized as a secular holiday since the invention of candy corn).

Officials at one school, Willow Hill Elementary, required that students wear a costume at school on Halloween if they wanted to participate in the festivities. For one ten-year-old that created a quandary. He and his mother weren't comfortable promoting Halloween and its pagan elements, but he didn't want to be sequestered from the event.

"Halloween and its pagan elements"? What a load. I'll have you know that crass-commercialization is just as Christian as frivolous lawsuits, political lobbying, and that thing about the guy who died on a lower-case letter "t" (I can't really recall that much about it at the moment, but I remember him doing something important. Not as important as stopping gay-marriage, mind you, but pretty darn close).

So, instead of dressing up like a devil or a witch, like other students did, he chose to come dressed as...

He chose to come dressed as what? A doctor? A knight? A hobo? Spiderman? Batman? Robin? Nightwing? A giant hamburger? A slice of pizza? Wolverine? Elvis? Black Panther? Abraham Lincoln? Sonic the Hedgehog? Darkwing Duck? A reporter? The Pink Panther? Magnum P.I.? Mickey Mouse? Donald Duck? Goofy? A Cowboy? Megaman? Protoman? The Flash? Napoleon Dynamite? Goku? Optimus Prime? A Dinosaur? Ronald McDonald? The Kool-Aid Man?A Fireman? Mario? Luigi? Sherlock Holmes? A Power-Ranger? Kermit the Frog? A Pokemon? Green Lantern? The Green Arrow? The Green Hornet? Kato? Chewbacca? Big-Bird? A Teenage-Mutant-Ninja-Turtle? Luke Cage? Charlie Brown? Kanye West? Barry Bonds? The Incredible Hulk? The front-end of a horse? The rear-end of a horse? A clog in the American legal system that keeps more serious cases from ever seeing the light of day?


Wow, I was right. Kanye West it is.

He met the requirement of dressing up in a costume, while not promoting beliefs contrary to his faith.

Like how he avoided promoting Satanism by not dressing up as Satan, how he avoided promoting masked-vigilantism by not dressing up as Batman, and how he avoided promoting the belief that cars turn into robots by not dressing up as Optimus Prime. And let's not forget how, by refusing to dress up as Sonic the Hedgehog, he avoiding promoting the satanic lie that "there's nothing cooler than being hugged by someone you like..."

The student was told that his costume violated the school's unwritten "religion" policy. School officials told his mother that the costume would be OK, if he removed his crown of thorns and didn't identify himself as Jesus, but as a Roman emperor instead (and perhaps missing the irony that the Romans were persecutors of Christians and that crucifixion was the emperor's ultimate method of execution!).

So a kid having to wear a different costume than what his mom made for him as an outward display of perceived-persecution-inducing piety to school is like the Roman Empire's persecution of Christ and his early followers?

Wait... Did you hear that sound? It sounded like our precious Lord and all the martyred saints at his right hand throwing-up all at once.

ADF legal counsel Matt Bowman has filed a complaint in U.S. District Court, alleging that the school district engaged in "viewpoint discrimination" when it censored the young man's costume. A copy of the complaint can be read at www.telladf.org/UserDocs/EDTComplaint.pdf.

"For the school principal to censor this young student because he was dressed as Jesus is patently ridiculous," said Matt. "It's just another demonstration of how hostile to Christianity some public school officials have become. It is unconstitutional to single out Christian students in this way for censorship."

I actually agree with this part. It is stupid to keep a kid from coming to school dressed up as Jesus for Halloween. He should enjoy it while he can. Because from the look of things he'll most-likely drop his faith like a hot-potato when he reaches high-school and one of his friends will show him one of those crappy "New-Atheism" books with titles like "Up Yours, Lord: Why God is a Non-Existant Doody-Head and How Not Being an Obnoxious and Alarmist Atheist Will Result in You and All You Love Being Molested By Pedophile Priests, Gang-Raped by the Republican Party, and Blown Up by Bearded Men Desperate for 72 Un-Tapped Asses (or Raisins, the Translation is a Little Iffy)!" and discovers that he can masturbate guilt-free. Then if his old costume still fits him that October, he can dress up as Jesus once again, but this time with the ADF not exactly being as supportive.

Now for all you parents out there who also want to either whore out your kids' childhoods to justify your own personal martyr-complex, or want to make attending your spouse's friend's Halloween party even more awkward, I present to you Tools For Tools (of Christ): Halloween Edition (wardrobe provided by Annie's Costumes.com):

Jesus Costume

Includes: Long sleeved knee length dark brown gown and rope belt. Available in One Size (fits up to jacket size 44).

Sells for $43.95.

I change my mind, I think I'll go as Friar Tuck instead.

Moses Wig & Beard Set:

Sells for $29.95.

Leprosy not included.

Joseph/Moses Costume
(Note: colors may vary)

Includes: Long sleeved full bodied under gown with knee length sleeveless over robe. Available in One Size (fits up to jacket size 44).

Sells for $69.95.

Mary Costume

Includes: White floor length dress with flared sleeves and light blue head shawl. Available in One Size (fits up to dress size 12).

Sells for $59.95.

Once again scholars dispute Christ's lineage. Is Jesus descended from Joseph or Moses? However, the case for the Virgin Birth is strengthened:

"See, I have a wife and kid, that makes me completely heterosexual."

"He's not yours, Joseph."

"Completely heterosexual. Dr Nicolosi says so."



Also remarkable how back then animal feeding trofts very much resembled cribs.

Shepherd Costume

Includes: Off-white under robe, royal blue overcoat and rope belt. Available in One Size (fits up to jacket size 42).

Sells for $29.95

That man is no longer a shepherd. His anger at the death of his sheep-herding comrades has unlocked his true power. He has finally become, a SUPER-SHEPHERD!

Shepherd #3 Costume
(Note: colors may vary)

Includes: Floor length robe, knee length vest, white mantle with black headband and rope belt. Available in One Size (fits up to jacket size 44).

Sells for $79.95

"Hey Annie? What do you want us to do with all these old 'Bloodthirsty Arab Sheik'-costumes we can't sell anymore on account of them being too offensive?"

Blue Wiseman Costume

Includes: Blue panne velvet robe w/ silver lamé trim, matching hat and silver lamé belt. Available in One Size (fits up to jacket size 42).

Sells for $29.95.

What can I say, following stars across deserts will do that to you.

Purple Wiseman Costume

Includes: Purple robe w/ gold lamé trim, matching headpiece and gold lamé belt. Available in One Size (fits up to jacket size 42).

Sells for $29.95.

Let me guess, this is the one who brought the myrrh.

Gladiator, Fighter to Death Costume

Includes: Black polyester shirt, black cape, armor skirt, gold & silver helmet,
chest and shoulder armor and decorated shin and wrist guards.
Available in One Size Standard (fits up to jacket size 46).

Regularly: $59.95. On Sale for: $47.95.


Crown of Thorns:
An adjustable crown of brown flexible plastic 4 yards in length. Can be wrapped to fit any size head. Sells for $10.95.

Latex Whip & Spike Scar Sheet:
Includes: 6 assorted length latex whip scars, varying from 6" to 17". Also included are 6 nail scars for the hands. Both type of scars are very realistic. Sells for $11.95.

Stage Blood:
Many feature films have used Ben Nye's blood exclusively. Realistic qualities include vivid coloring and Medium flowing viscosity. Peppermint flavored and safe in mouth. May stain some fabrics and surfaces; test before use. Applications: 12-30 per ounce. Available in .5oz., 1oz., 2oz., 4oz., 8oz., 16oz., and 32oz. sizes.

Thank you, Mel Gibson, for reminding us that Jesus is the Reason for the Season.


Geds said...

Your use of Fashion Swat amused me just enough that it kept me from throwing up in my mouth later.

Good work...

Jr. said...

ACLU isn't anti-Christian, it's anti-mindless-proselytizing. Of course, fundies don't know the difference, so there's futility for you.