Saturday, April 28, 2007

Live on ABC: The Battle of the Century

It appears Ray Comfort has once again whipped out his banana, on national TV.

Why are Kirk Cameron, a preacher, and two self-proclaimed atheists coming together in a church this weekend? Because Cameron and preacher Ray Comfort claim that they "can prove the existence of God."

They'll take on the atheists in the first "Nightline Face-Off," a debate to be moderated by "Nightline" anchor Martin Bashir.

The Way of the Master has a weekly television show for which Comfort and Cameron literally hit the streets in the name of Jesus, challenging nonbelievers that their sins against God will lead directly to hell.

"On the Day of Judgment," Comfort tells one man on the streets of New York, "God will see you as a lying, thieving, blasphemous, adulterer at heart. You have sinned against God. You need his forgiveness."


What's wrong with God? "What's wrong with the tooth fairy?" asks Brian. "There's nothing wrong with something that most likely doesn't exist."

"Atheists are completely vilified. And it's OK," says Kelly, an atheist who works alongside Brian and also asks that her last name not be used.

"It's actually OK to hate atheists," Kelly says. "We are like the last group that people overwhelmingly agree it's OK to hate, because there's an absurd caricature of atheism out there."

While their theological views differ from the Way of the Master, their approaches are similar -- brash and in-your-face. The Rational Response Squad challenges people to take the Blasphemy Challenge in which they make videos of themselves denouncing or blaspheming the Holy Spirit, and then post them on YouTube.

Reading this article got me motor running.

Now, for those of you who don't know who Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron are, I'll fill you in. Ray Comfort is a wannabe-minister from New Zealand and Kirk Cameron is known for his work in Growing Pains (an 80's-sitcom) and Left Behind (action/sexless evangelical porn-film). In a way, Kirk Cameron is to evangelical Christianity what Tom Cruise is to Scientology (the major difference being that Cruise is an actor).

They both host the TV program The Way of The Master, which I feel I should warn you contains absolutely no ninjas nor anything else even remotely related to martial-arts (which is really disappointing considering how much I was looking forward to seeing Kirk Cameron get kicked in the face by Jet Li, but what ya gonna do?).

Ray and Kirk are both known as Christian apologists (defenders of the faith) due to the work they've done arguing for the existence of God and on their show. In the same way, Kevin Federline is known as a musician because of his work on Playing with Fire. Long story short, another evening of shame and remorse for Miss Good Intentions.

And in the other corner, wearing the black shorts, we have Brian Sapient and his girlfriend Kelly, who chose not to give out her last name in order to protect her identity despite appearing live on-camera with her face clearly visible, maintaining what I like to call "porn-star anonymity".

Brian and Kelly are two of the founders of The Rational Response Squad, a group promoting free-thought and enlightenment, liberating people's minds from the religion mind-virus through the use of the most logical and well-reasoned arguments the human brain can form while under the influence of marajuana.

Sapient: If I have free will, why can't I fly?

Because I can't fly, God clearly has placed restrictions on free will, and since he has why did he not restrict free will in such a way so that evil didn't have to exist?

He restricted us from flying, but didn't restrict us from murdering? Loving? I think not.

The group also exists to challenge religion's, especially evangelical Christianity's, perceived monopoly on certain actions and activities in our culture, like caring for the sick and needy,

Sapient: I lost my mother to Jesus, and vow to conquer those who have led her to harm, yeah... no bullsh*t. Well, I should clarify, she is still alive but her brain has been melted down to a non functioning level where synapses wont connect, known as born again christianity... she has become Christarded. I hate theism, I do not hate theists"


If I could get a mental health clinic (I couldn't) to admit someone for fervent belief with no evidence specifically Christianity, and I could get my mother to go (I couldn't), I'd take her, pay for it, support her, be there for her, whatever.

...getting a group of people together on a beautiful day to all wear the same t-shirt and pose for a photo under a tree (EAT IT! CAMPUS CRUSADE FOR CHRIST!),

...asking for money, obsessive evangelism, "Us vs Them" paranoia (emphasis mine),

With the help of an investor who wishes to remain anonymous the Rational Response Squad is in the process of purchasing a large home to run RRS operations for the next 30 years and beyond. Satisfying a desire to help humanity overcome theism Kelly, Rook, and Sapient have committed to each other to work and live together in a single house so that we can become more efficient and more productive. Rook will be moving to full time status and while Kelly will continue to work part time, it's our goal that at some point she'll be able to work on nothing else other than Rational Response Squad related business alongside of Rook and myself. Words can't express how thankful we are to have helped start such a large, thriving, and helpful community. Although we may be at our computers a little less in the short term as we coordinate the logistics of purchasing a home, moving into it, furnishing it, and outfitting "the bunker" with the highest level of security the industry has to offer,* we promise to bust our butts for you in the long term. Your continued support will become more important than ever. A special thank you to our anonymous investor, you have gone beyond the call of duty and we will be forever indebted to you for all of the help and support you are offering us, without you, this wouldn't be possible.

...and producing rap music with lyrics so cheesy you won't be able to shit for months:

Who? Pascal's wager. Who? Pascal's wager.
Now that's a fool's bet
And against the intelligent it's used less
Really? You bet
This aint nothing new, they use it on kids
But for those who don't know it goes a little like this
Wouldn't you rather believe in God and be wrong
Then to not believe in God and be wrong
If you believe in God and your wrong you've lost nothing
But if you don't believe and you're wrong its all suffering
The problem is you can try it on anything
Switch the Gods around and apply it to anything
The Flyin Spaghetti Monster, Zeus, Amin, Ra
Krishna, Odin, Baal and then Allah
Which one of em's our God?
None of em all false
And blame it on the Atheists its always our fault
Except it never is
So don't get mad at us we just showin ya'll the evidence

Belief in Gods, we can fix that
Irrational thoughts we get dispatched
It may be hard be we'll get back
In the position to just to end that

Grand Unified Theory
Rational Response Squad
I'm a make the fundies hate me
They gon' need a new reason to shut down rap
But they wont shut down rap that degrades women though huh.
They wont shut down rap that talks about sellin crack though huh
Its all good...

Rational Response Squad vs. Way of the Master. A battle of the minds I personally found too close to call. Fortunately, I found footage of the debate on Youtube. Which group reigns supreme? YOU, THE VIEWER, DECIDE!


*If anybody from RRS is reading this, I highly recommend the 0ld Spencer place.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Everyman's Bungle

I’ve just finished reading Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker’s Everyman’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time. Boy was I ever surprised. I was surprised the authors were being serious. Honestly, this book reads like the author is satirizing the recent “Purity” and “Christian Masculinity” movements sweeping across churches today in the same manner Stephen Colbert satirizes the Conservative Talk-show pundits on FoxNews. But the scary thing is that the authors aren't.

Now before I get things started, I just want to that I am a Christian and I actually partially agree with the authors of the book (waiting until marriage=good, porn=bad, adultery=bad) but this book actually makes me want to hop on a plane to Thailand and bang cheap hookers until I’m covered head-to-toe with herpes. Yes, it’s that bad.

In my opinion, the success of this book and its series is a symptom of a more serious condition, that there is a rather significant difference between what constitutes someone to be an authority in the eyes of many evangelicals as opposed to, how shall I say, sane people.

Now the subject of EMB is sex. Mostly it deals with "conquering lust", but there’s also some stuff on sexual biology, sexual ethics/morals, biblical teaching on sex ect. Some good people to go to for information on those subjects would be a medical doctor, sex therapist, a psychiatrist/psychologist, a Bible scholar ect. Now, look at the information given on the author's website:

Stephen Arterburn is the founder and chairman of New Life Ministries—the nation’s largest faith-based broadcast, counseling and treatment ministry—and is the host of the nationally syndicated “New Life Live!” daily radio program heard on over 180 radio stations nationwide. Steve is also the founder of the Women of Faith conferences attended by over 3,000,000 women.

Steve is a nationally known public speaker and has been featured in national media venues such as Oprah, Inside Edition, Good Morning America, CNN Live, New York Times, USA Today, US News & World Report and most recently ABC World News Tonight, GQ magazine and Rolling Stone.

As a best-selling author, Steve has written over 60 books, including the bestselling Every Man’s series and his most recent book, Healing Is A Choice. He has been nominated for numerous writing awards and won three Gold Medallion awards for writing excellence.

Steve has degrees from Baylor University and The University of North Texas as well as having obtained two honorary doctorate degrees.

Now check out this article, written by a former research librarian, on how to critically assess sources of information.

Check their credentials! I've beaten this one into the ground that you probably guessed it, but I'll beat it some more and some more. Most sources will have some kind of short biography giving a person's credentials. It should tell you what their education has been, give a highlight of publishing credits (you can look for someone's vitae if you want a full list; with many scholars, they won't fit on a book's cover or flyleaf), and maybe name some prominent associations. If these are either:
  • Missing (the publisher may not have had room, or if your book is missing a paper cover, it may have been there -- but assuming otherwise...)
  • Not relevant (i.e., a book on Biblical scholarship written by someone with a Ph. D. in aerodynamics!)
  • Unclear (i.e., it says they "got a Ph. D. at Vanderbilt" but does not say in what)'ll need to think about that source a bit. Obviously such credentials are not required to be an author in the right (especially if one uses sources of such credit to compose a book) but they can help you decide whether an author is likely to have credibility.

“‘Nationally known public speaker’. The guy can talk without stuttering. Good for him, but there’s still no way of telling if this guy’s a real doctor.” I thought to myself, “What the heck, he probably used some good sources”.

Damn was I wrong. The book has no bibliography and the author makes vague references to some literature put out by Focus on the Family, and some information on “wet dreams” that obviously came out of a “What’s Happening to Your Body Right Now” pamphlet, but other than that and a few other tidbits, it’s just personal anecdotes and bad advice coupled with war and football metaphors.

Now, when a non-retarded person wants to get some information on a subject, he looks for something written by a doctor/professor/expert-in-his-field or someone who at least cites the work of doctors/professors/experts-in-their-fields. Upon examining EMB and other books found in Christian bookstores and church libraries, I have discovered that things are different in the evangelical world. These are the things that most evangelicals look for when it comes to credibility regarding information found in books:

  • No matter what the subject, the book must be sold in Christian bookstores and by a Christian author, because it‘s not like a Wiccan, Muslim, or secular humanist can write a decent book on raising children, overcoming depression, or losing weight.
  • The book’s content must consist mainly of personal anecdote as opposed to hard data and facts. Statistics cited should not include a footnote leading to the source of the statistic but should instead be accompanied by a personal anecdote. (“75% of men who watch porn turn into rapists. I know this is true because there was a rape in my friend’s hometown and he told me the cops found porn in the guy’s house.”)
  • Bonus points if the author has a fucked up past but managed to turn it all around thanks to Jesus the Freshmaker*.
  • If it’s a book on parenting, the author must be married and have produced children that have not committed suicide or ended up gay. However, if any of his or her children do end up gay** or committing suicide, the author is now also qualified to write a book on dealing with the pain of a child committing suicide or being gay. Similar to when an christian-book author writes on “how to have a successful marriage” and then “how to deal with a painful divorce”.
  • Bonus points if the author has a ministry, radio show, and/or really big building. Much like Fred Phelps, Howard Stern, and/or Hugh Hefner.
  • If an evangelical parent or youth leader thinks that the book could benefit an adolescent they know, they must not simply buy the book and give it to said adolescent. They must find a “for teens” version of the book, which is just like the “regular” version but has a picture of a BMX biker going over a jump on the cover. Otherwise the information contained therein would become completely null and void.
  • The author must cite Bible passages that, when you examine their context, have nothing to do with the subject at hand (Jewish dietary laws in Leviticus with regards to weight-loss, the Beatitudes with regards to advancing in the workplace, ect.).
  • It has “changed countless lives”. Much like Scientology, Dr Ho’s Miracle Bracelet, and NAMBLA.

Right now I’m thinking of going through sections of the book in the style of Fred Clark’s “Left Behind Fridays”, discussing certain topics, sharing my opinion, and downright MST3K-style riffing. I will also occasionally compare it to John White’s Eros Defiled: The Christian and Sexual Sin, which is like Every Man’s Battle in that it is a book written from a conservative Christian standpoint dealing with the subject of sexual sin, but unlike EMB it deals with it in a significantly healthier, and better researched, way. Enjoy the show, folks.


*From reading his website and the book, co-author Fred Stoeker’s credentials can be summed up as “My dad never played with me and left porn and dildos around the house, I wanked to playboy when I was young, and I had LOTS and LOTS of premarital sex with many beautiful women (which I definitely am not bragging about but am really trying to warn you young men about the dangers). Then I went to church for awhile and later felt guilty while watching a sunset through my office window. Blah blah blah Jesus the freshmaker. Now thanks to quoting Bible-verses out of context, I’m happily married and I avoid hardcore porn films like Forrest Gump, smutty magazines like Reader's Digest, and I‘ve finally managed to stop viewing the woman at church that wears that slutty oversized-sweatshirt and body-accentuating baggy jeans as a sex object (she is instead a weapon Satan uses in the battle between good and evil that is constantly being fought inside my pants). And that‘s why you should listen to me when I talk about what healthy Christian view of male sexuality is.”

**Now I know that there are some of you out there that are probably saying “But Cynic, people don’t become homosexual because of their upbringing.” That’s a load of crap. Everybody knows that people end up homosexual because they have monsters for parents. Just look at Dick Cheney’s daughters.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

...others were made that way by men.

The man in the picture to your left in a living example of what happens when good intentions has too much to drink one night...

Deltano conducted two assemblies at the school on Oct. 12. Mainstream Loudoun, in the letter from its President Katherine Hawes, argued that Deltano's claims that condoms fail 10 percent of the time and that contraception doesn't work are misleading and inaccurate.

Hawes asks: "Is Mr. Deltano really qualified to conduct a curriculum-related program on sex?"

Loudoun County High School Principal William Oblas said Deltano was invited after the encouragement of a parent. He said the presentation contained nothing inappropriate and Deltano's message was one that is beneficial to students.


Hawes, who indicated she attended the assembly, said that Deltano cherry-picked facts, gave children inaccurate and incomplete information and misrepresented the effectiveness of condoms.

"On a personal level, I'm a parent," Hawes said. "We will encourage our children to wait. But at the same time we want them to get [complete and unbiased information]."

...and ends up conceiving a bastard-child with sheer and utter stupidity.

The critique of Deltano's performance at Dominion High was conducted by the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States. It included criticism of his decision to demonstrate the ineffectiveness of condoms against HIV by dangling a cinderblock over a male student's genital area. The group said the drill gave a message of fear and shame and misrepresented statistics about condom failure.

(Emphasis mine)

You've all heard of "safe-sex". Well, thanks to our buddy Keith, now there's "dangerous-abstinence". Keith Deltano is an former military police-officer, former public school teacher, and self-described "serious-comedian" that gets invited to speak at public schools in order to promote sexual abstinence. He is also accompanied by a "friend"/alter-ego of his, a white rapper that known as "Thick Sunny", a pseudonym left untouched by the hardworking men and women of the porn industry because taking such a name would be beneath their dignity.

Well, there's some interesting news on his website. He's holding a T-shirt design contest:

Create and submit a T-shirt design that promotes sexual abstinence. T-shirt can be cutting edge comedy, drama, or any other “form” you think might work. You can even “morph” other current T-shirt designs to fit your purpose. Design may be front and back or just front or just back. Please include words and graphics. The design must incorporate (in some way) the web site name You can drop off the www if you want to. However, must be in the design theme. Themes can be disease avoidance, going for goals, sex as a threat to health, why sex and love are not automatically connected, why love is more than sex, a theme from my show. Or anything else you can think of that promotes sexual abstinence. Your imagination is the limit, just no profanity or graphic images.

A panel of teens will pick the edgiest T-shirt that best promotes abstinence in an attention getting manner. This needs to be a shirt that TEENS will want to wear. In other words, it’s not important that I like it, but rather other teens will like it.

The winning designer will receive a check for 100 dollars, I will record a message for their cell or ipod, and 20 free shirts for friends and family. The winner will be announced on June 25th.


"Edgy" T-shirt that "promotes abstinence"? How can something be "edgy" if it's promoting something white, middle-class, conservative-Christian parents are for? Nevertheless. This looks like a job for the Cynic Sage:

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Even Rocky had a montage...

I originally wanted to post this during the Easter weekend, but I got caught up with my previous post fighting racial hate and intolerance by satirizing a white-supremacist music forum, and spreading love and laughter by making fun of Jews and Asians.

I first saw this music video on Easter Sunday at church. It was projected on a large screen at the front of the sanctuary by that week's speaker in order to prepare us for his sermon by killing as many of our brain-cells as possible. Needless to say, this music video has officially made it onto The Cynic Sage's Official List of Worst Things for the following reasons:

  1. It has the whitest Jesus I have ever seen (in the first shot of him he appears practically blond). I swear to you, this Jesus is so lily-white that John the Baptist must've had him soaking in bleach before he baptized him.
  2. The guy Ted Haggard cheated on his wife with looks alot less gay than Michael W. Smith does in this video. Here, I'll prove it:

  3. Upbeat 80's music. Now, I love upbeat 80's music as much as the next guy that has Ray Parker's "Ghostbusters" on his mp3-player's main playlist (heck, I think the music is rather catchy) but I think it's just a weeeeeeee bit out of place in a montage depicting the actions of an itinerant preacher living in 1st century Palestine. Seriously, the music in this video gave me the impression that Jesus had entered a karate tournament before he ascended to heaven.
  4. Not only do we hear 80's music while seeing footage of Jesus teaching in the temple, healing the sick, and raising the dead. Oh no, the music track continues in it's high-action, upbeat-tempo through Christ's Passion. That's right folks, you get to see a man get whipped, flogged, and crucified while 80's music plays in the background! I felt sick to my stomach, and keep in mind I was able to keep down a small bag of popcorn, a box of junior mints, and a large Mountain Dew while watching Mel Gibson's The Passion without any nausea. It's like that scene in Slither where the alien/mutant Grant Grant lays his eggs inside a woman while country-music plays in the background (although it does makes sense what with country-music being the auditory equivalent of rape*), which also made it onto The Cynic Sage's Official List of Worst Things.
Now if you'll excuse me. I have some memories that need repressing.


*It has come to my attention that there are those of you are offended by my comparing of rape to country-music. After much thought, I felt my conscience tell me that what I had said was both hurtful and wrong. So to all those out there who have been forced to listen to country music while carpooling to work, I'm sorry. Having to listen to country-music is more like being sodomized with a chainsaw than anything else.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Be on the Lookout for Paranoid Racists

Recently I was roaming through the internet and going back and forth in it, when I came across an internet discussion board for Prussian Blue. Now, in case you don't know who they are, they're an American folk music duet of two girls that manage to successfully combine the hate-filled rhetoric of the Olsen Twins and the adorable-cuteness of Adolf Hitler.

Like the dark panther lurks in the African jungle, stalking it's prey. I lurked on the discussion board until I found this thread, then sang a prayer of thanks to my bronze-age tribal war deity and his hook-nosed darkie rag-head son for the riffable feast he has set before me.

Joining me for this thread riff are some famous ethnic stereotypes:

MrPopo: Mr Popo is a proud, navy-blue man who broke free from working in the porn industry when he landed a spot on the hit anime series Dragonball Z. He is also a spokesman of the National Association for the Advancement of Noseless People (NAANP).

The Jew: The Jew controls pretty much darn everything. The modern state of Israel, banks, the media, the modern state of Palestine, the legal system, the modern state of Canada, the pork industry, country-clubs, you name it. He is also specifically responsible for the Black Plague, the cancellation of all your favorite 80's cartoons, Christianity, AIDS, the Theory of Evolution, Herpatitis V, the death of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holocaust (which never really happened and wasn't that big anyway). He is eagerly awaiting for the return of Jesus Christ so he can "finish the job" using more modern and effective technology.

And Shigeru Miyamoto: Shigeru Miyamoto is #1 Nintendo-game-maker man and is therefore Jack Thompson's sworn enemy. Like all Japanese men, his interests include working too hard, anime and videogames, ikebana (flower arrangement), and collecting life-size dolls that look like high-school girls and posing for photos with them.


Cynic Sage:
Now before we get started, I just want to mention that last Friday was "Good Friday". I want to give a special thanks to The Jew for killing Jesus, because without the death of Christ, there would be no atonement for sin, no Resurrection of Christ with its promise of eternal life, and no chocolate eggs and bunnies and marshmallow peeps being sold in stores this time of year.

The Jew: Why thank you, Mr. Sage. It was the least I could do.

CS: Let's get started, shall we.

Let's remember that propaganda can come in unexpected places, at unexpected times, and in expected forms.

The most obvious form of propaganda is in the liberal/neo-con/zionist media, but it's also in TV shows.

Lizzey Maguire on Disney Channel - Three "typical American" teens hanging out, one White, one Mestizo, one Jewish.

In food commercials - four "typical American" teens, one White, one Black, one Oriental, one Mestizo, comsuming the product.

Napoloen Dynamite - a boring, stupid, unattractive white boy, living in the middle of nowhere, going to a boring all-white school (not exclusively white, but by demographics). Fortunately, a Mexican immigrant (Pedro) comes and spices things up.

Sesamie Street - If you think it's an innocent children's show, think again. All peoples of different races and backgrounds living together in peace and harmony in a utopian city. Downplays the real condition of the third world and propagates an "all cultures are equal" message.

The Proud Family on Disney Channel - Again, four "typical American" girls. two average looking Blacks, one beautiful Mestizo, and the one White girl just so happens to be the least attractive amonst them.

The Fresh Prince of Belair - The rich Black family has a "British" butler, a black butler, that is.

Rosanne on Nick@Nite - The Episode "White People Can't Kiss" - D.J. (the boy) tries out for Romeo in his school play, when a Black girl is chosen to be Juliet, he backs out (because he doesn't want to kiss her). His parents teach him that race is only skin deep and he has no reason to feel the way he does. He goes through with it and kisses her.

Those are just a few examples off the top of my head. If anyone has anything else to add to the list, your contribution is most welcome.
Mr Popo: Mr Popo thinks it's wonderful that neocons, liberals, and zionists can put aside their differences and work together to annoy white supremacists by acknowledging other ethnicities partaking in American culture.

TJ: "Tonight on FoxNews: Sesame Street - If you think its an innocent children's show, think again".

CS: "Oh no! They're showing people living in a close-knit community putting aside their differences in order to get along with each other. Those bastards!" And why does Sesame Street have to portray conditions in the third world when it takes place in America."

MP: Different versions of that show are made in different countries.

CS: Oh yeah. Thanks for reminding me, Mr Popo. There's the African Sesame Street that has that Aids Muppet and there's the Canadian Sesame Street that has that stoned polar-bear...

Shigeru Miyamoto: Dose food commesharar are rying! peoporru offu diffarant skin-karaa cannot eat da shame food. One time me eat shome American cheese wance and me end up wiff bad case offu zah Dutch Sheets. Me on mai errectronikku toiretto orru day.

CS: Hold on a sec! They think Pedro "spiced-up" Napoleon Dynamite? Have they even seen that movie?

TJ: Hey, at least they're progressive racists. When it came to Fresh Prince, she was complaining about having a black character in a position of servitude.

i watch disney channel because i have a 7-yr-old sis and everytime i see things like that i point them out to her and tell her that's not how life really is, also she doesn't watch thats so raven and cory in the house because she knows that i hate them shows and i said that watching them would be saying that blacks are the better people, when i first said that to her she said "but their not", she was only 5 at the time but i felt i had to point out to her that the government believe they are.

Multi-culturalism is the cause of racism
Lamb and Lynx are angels


CS: "I hate them shows"? He types the way rednecks talk. And That's So Raven teach that Blacks are better than whites how? That they have psychic powers?

Mr Popo agrees that the American government does believe that black people are better than white people.

TJ: Now that's a big load if I ever saw one.

MP: Mr Popo does not lie. The Bush administration's handling of Hurricane Katrina has shown that the American government believes that, unlike white people, black people have the superpower of underwater-breathing.

TJ: Mr Popo does not lie, but he can be very sarcastic when he wants to.

SM: Multicahturarism cause rashism da way habing bajina cause rape.

CS: Gilmore here may be called "racist" because he is proud of his white heritage, but he is called "paranoid douche" because he thinks the Disney Channel is subtley trying to destroy his ethnic group.

Greys Anatomy, asion woman sleeping with a black man - she get's pregnant.
Oh, that's the least of the propaganda. Are we really supposed to believe that an elite hospital has not one, but three Black surgeons on its team? Yeah right. I have yet to meet a single black surgeon, let alone three - in one place!

TJ: Everybody knows that in the very rare cases where the black-sperm takes to the asian-ovum the offspring ends up sterile.

MP: And that's if the black man can even manage to fit inside the asian woman.


CS: Oh no he d'int!

TJ: Oh yes he d'id.

SM: Haff Zauberin not heeya offu Danieru Hay-ru Wirriams?

CS: So either Grey's Anatomy is liberal multiculturalist brainwashing propoganda, or it's story supposed to take place somewhere other than where Zauberin lives. Hrrmmnn...?

I believe Futurama (from the same creator as The Simpsons) is also a subtle form of propaganda. It takes diversity to a whole new level. Not only are whites peacefully co-existing with other races, but humans are peacefully co-existing with other species (aliens, mutants, robots, etc).

The show is sacreligious. It makes fun of Christmas (portraying Santa Clause as a terrifying robot). There was one episode where they had proven that God does not exist, but there were still some monks in outer space that were searching for him.

In the first episode there were "suicide booths" were people could enter a quarter and choose to die "quick and painless" or "slow and horrible". They show one of the characters (I forget the name) walking around with a skimpy shirt, bear midriff. It promotes sexual promiscuity, for example, the one-eyed-alien has sex with the captain.

All the while it portrays the future in an up-beat, optimistic light...

MP: Aliens, Mutants and Robots... Oh My!

CS: Didn't Bender actually have a two-way conversation with God in the
episode where "they had proven God does not exist"?

At least that inter-species relationship wasn't inter-racial. Turanga Lela and Zap Brannigan are both white.

SM: Reera not arien, she mutant who think she arien at dat time.

CS: You realize these guys will blow a gasket if they ever discover any of the old Star Trek reruns.

I was on my way back home from a hike, passing through Hillsboro. I stopped at the laundromat to visit the restroom there. In the room with the washing machines, I saw an old magazine that was opened to a page with a race-propaganda ad on it.

Ostensibly, the advertisement was about running shoes. These ads are always "ostensibly" about selling something, but the main message is really either "Whites are bad" or "Blacks/Latinos are good" or "Jews are honest/natural leaders" or "Race mixing is a wonderful thing," and the mercantile thing seems to be just an excuse to put the anti-White racial message out there.

Anyway, this ad showed a White runner poking a finger into one of his nostrils while blowing a long stream of snot out of the other. A Black runner coming along behind him was looking on with an expression of surprise and disgust. You know the Jews would never let an ad be published where the snotty one was the Black.
CS: Wow! I had never stopped to realize that us white people have it so bad, what with the Jew-controlled media constantly portraying us as actually having to blow our noses once in a while.

TJ: You know, "whites are bad" is actually the slogan of my new brand of laundry detergent, Blorax-Dark. It's designed to keep dark clothes dark and make men's white briefs feel inadequate.

MP: Adidas: All Day I Dream About How Jews are Honest/Natural Leaders.

SM: BADAP-BA-BA-BAAAA! I'm rovin' Bracks and Ratinos.

CS: Harvey's makes Race-Mixing... a beautiful thing...

Here's another example...

This new (relatively new) Winney the Pooh movie. In the movie, Winney, Piglet, Rabit, etc. meet a hefilump. Traditionally, hefilumps and woosels were evil, scary, and to be avoided. In the movie, it turns out that they weren't so bad after all, and they're also quite friendly. Another way of promoting "tolerance" and "diversity"...

TJ: "And we all know that heffalumps control the media".

CS: "And woozels will rape our pure, virgin, white daughters".

MP: Excuse me, Mr The Jew, but is there any truth at all to the rumor that the Jews control everything, are you sure there aren't any Catholics and space-lizards involved?

SM: What you mean? Offu coase jew controrru eberyting. Terebision, nooz, banks, pop music, eberyting!

TJ: Believe it or not, we even control Prussian Blue.



TJ: It's true, who do you think started Resistance Records. Oh sure, he called himself "George Burdi" but his real name was "George Bergman".

CS: But why would Jews support a racist band like Prussian Blue?

TJ: You see, there are only two kinds of people that buy Prussian Blue cds: Racists and pedophiles. And at our secret Jew headquarters we have a advanced supercomputer, aka "The Jewputer" that records the personal information of each and every person who has ever purchased a Prussian Blue cd. So whenever a hate-crime or child-sex crime has been committed, we let the government know where to look in exchange for them covering up anything that will alert the public to the fact that we control everything.

CS: Like this conversation?

: Exactly.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Judging Books by Their Covers.

Ah, Christian bookstores. Some guys jam rusty nails up their urethras to give themselves a sick and twisted sense of pleasure. Me, I browse these cesspools of vacuous evangelical culture for similar reasons. That, and to check out the occasional Pillar cd.

We often hear the expression "never judge a book by its cover". Well, what do you think it's there for. I now present you with Cynic Sage's "Judging Books by Their Covers",

First up, Roll Away Your Stone by Dutch Sheets.

What price would you pay to remove the barriers that hold you back in life? The wonderful news is that it's already been done and the tab's already been paid. In Roll Away Your Stone, Dutch Sheets reveals life-changing biblical truths about who you are in Christ and how to become the person God made you to be. But this is more than a book about your identity in Christ---it is an action plan to conquer the lies that keep you defeated and to walk into a newfound freedom you have never known. It's not about who you think you are---it's about understanding and possessing the truth of who you really are in God's eyes.

In this work that Sheets calls his "life message," you're given sound, doable tools for looking at God, His provisions, and the principles He has established that enable you to walk in true freedom. Whatever habits or failures or strongholds keep you from realizing your identity in Christ, you can put them behind you and experience freedom. It's time to Roll Away Your Stone.

Wow! And here I was completely unaware that the Christian Gospel taught Lord Jesus Christ's death and resurrection was to "remove the barriers" that "hold you back in life". All this time I thought the Apostles taught that it had something to do with... I dunno... atonement, redemption, propitiation of divine wrath, forgiveness of sins and the gift of eternal life... you know, stuff like that.

And "Dutch Sheets"? Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the term used to describe the act of letting out a huge fart while in bed with your partner, then proceeding to cover his/her face with the blankets? I bet his "life message" has something to do with his close, personal relationship with Jesus Christ helping him forgive his parents for naming him while they were stoned out of their gourds.

Beth Moore's Get Out of That Pit:

Beth Moore wants readers to know if God could lift her out of the pit, He can get ANYONE out! She admits she wasn't just a visitor; this former pit-dweller had to be delivered from acres of life-accumulated dirt, bone-chilling darkness, spirit-deadening anger, heart-breaking desperation and mind-numbing confusion. The permanent lessons she learned in her desperation - shared in this very personal book - are lessons of hope for all of us. While she deeply empathizes with the hows and whys of life in the "pit," she continually points readers to the deliverance that awaits. Deliverance is for everyone, she proclaims - no matter how you got stuck, no matter how long you've been down, whether you think you deserve it or not. And in her straight-talking but loving style, she reminds readers that deliverance can begin for them this very day.
"She wasn't just a visitor"? Who the heck visits a pit?!

Breeder: Okay kids, I want you all to be packed and ready for friday, because we're headed over to Auntie Beth's pit for thanksgiving weekend.
Walking Pro Choice Argument#1: Oh boy! I hope she shows us some of those eyeless fish again.
Walking Pro Choice Argument#2: I'm gonna ask her if I can have some of her bat-guano collection to bring back for show and tell.

However, Beth's journey from her deep dark pit is an inspiration to us all. How God used something as simple as a Hobbit stealing her magic ring to start her on her journey of spiritual growth, and how he gave her strength when she was captured and tortured by the orcs of Mordor until she was able to escape.

Watch the shelves for her next book: Get out of that Lava.

But that's not all:

Beth Moore Presents: Songs of Deliverance is the companion CD to Beth's inspiring new book "Get Out of That Pit - Straight Talk About God's Deliverance." Amy Grant, Steven Curtis Chapman, CeCe Winans and Living Proof Ministries' Travis Cottrell lead an all-star cast of Christian recording artists singing their own stories of deliverance that echo the themes of the book. The album also features brand new recordings from Sara Groves and Mandisa.

No, it's not the soundtrack to the major motion picture. Although, listening to some of the sample tracks off that website made me feel as if I were canoeing down a beautiful river, basking in the beauty of God's creation. Then after the track stopped buffering and started to play, it felt like I was handcuffed to a tree and having my ears sodomized by popular CCM artists.

And, for the children, the Shiny Touchy Smelly Creation Story by Joanna Bicknell:

Even if your preschoolers can't read yet, they'll enjoy the scratch-and-sniff and touch-and-feel interactive elements of this imaginative book! As little ones learn about the seven days of creation, they'll be captivated by eye-catching shiny foil and photography of God's world. It's unique and fun! Recommended for ages 3 and up.

Now I can understand the "shiny" and "touchy", but "smelly"? I mean, once you get past the flowers and fruit trees and summer breezes and whatnot, you enter rather malodorous territory. I mean, even young-earth creationists believe that the majority if not all of God's creatures were able to at least shit before the fall. It's also good to mention that the "eye-catching shiny foil" in this book is by far the most scholarly argument for young-earth creationism I have ever seen.